Like most hard-hitting, but gentle-mannered columnists, I’m inundated with publicists who showcase their clients’ products and services for special occasions and holidays, such as birthdays, graduation ceremonies, Christmas, weddings, Holy – Valentine’s Day, National Hot Fudge Day and, of course, Father’s Day – which is this Sunday.
Most Father’s Day gift suggestions are predictable: clothes, slippers, restaurant gift vouchers, books, concert tickets, the dreaded knots, etc.
Then there was this, from a publicist working for a company called The Postage in Houston …
Postage “provides a place to store your funeral and post-death plans,” such as document storage, managing passwords, leaving messages for loved ones after your death, estate planning and even “planning” your. own funeral. The idea is to be ready when your time is up, so your family can focus on grieving your loss rather than the paperwork and logistics. It makes sense.
The cost is $ 9.99 per month, a godsend when end-of-life details can cost tens of thousands of dollars if you go with a private lawyer and financial advisor. While I understand the need to tidy up your affairs for the inevitable, let’s just say if I get this as a Father’s Day gift on Sunday, I’ll start sleeping with one eye open.
A little anecdote
The anecdote of the day: what do these four things have in common: Biewer, Dogo Argentino, Barbet and Belgian Laekenois? (answer below)
Uh, what happened to the no-call list?
Remember when the Texas legislature passed Bill 472 in 2001 which banned unwanted telemarketer calls and established the Texas no-call list (texasnocall.com)? It was at the top of the national no-call list (donotcall.gov). The penalties for each nuisance and unsolicited call to your cell phone or landline were supposed to range from $ 100 to $ 25,000.
It was really cute from the legislature. So how come last year I “won” a hundred free cruises and weekends at Marriott and Hilton hotels? Calls from pest control telemarketers are worse than ever.
I know I’m not supposed to answer caller ID numbers that I don’t recognize, but I’m compulsive I can’t resist. I always think it’s someone who gives me a better job or a lost relative saying I inherited a fortune.
If you sign up for an exclusion list and still get one, you are advised to call the Consumer Protection Division of the Public Services Commission or our Attorney General’s office. I would stay with the PUC. Our attorney general may be busy with, you know, personal matters.
Note to lawmakers, instead of spending your time dictating Texans what they can and can’t do with their bodies, and ignoring the decrepit power grid, how about doing something to stop telemarketer calls? (for real this time) and legalize marijuana (60% support) and expand gambling (74% support).
Ken is really there
I will officially end my COVID personal lockdown and 2020-21 self-quarantine by attending comedian Sebastian Maniscalco’s show on July 21 at the Smart Financial Center in Sugar Land. He is the absolute best. Then Jim Gaffigan on August 29, Ron White on November 12 at Smart Financial, the Astros’ pennant drive at Minute Maid Park and my annual pilgrimage to Nice, France. In the words of Frank Costanza, “I’m back, baby.”
I am a huge tennis fan. Here’s how my perspective on Grand Slam tournaments has changed. I used to ask Roger Federer or Rafael Nadal to win. Now all I want is Novak Djokovic to lose. Unfortunately, I haven’t been getting my wish lately. Djokovic won this year’s Australian and French Open. He’s still a hateful ass.
These names are the four most recent dog breeds recognized by the American Kennel Club in 2021 and eligible to participate in the Westminster Dog Show. The Biewer is a long-haired toy terrier, Dogo Argentino is a strong, muscular dog with a smooth coat, Barbet is a bearded dog with curly hair and the Belgian Laekenois (pictured) is a shepherd with a shaggy dog history.
There are over 200 dog breeds – not including my dog Sally who was billed as a Schnauzer who reportedly weighed around 35 pounds, but turned out to be a Wheaten Terrier mix that now weighs 70 pounds. I’m half asleep out of bed because of her. Plus, she has Jimmy’s leg.
If that means anything, I guessed that Biewer, Dogo Argentino, Barbet and Belge Laekenois were types of wine.